Albers Placement Center: “You are weak, your resumé is weak, and you will not intern this summer.”


Another Albers student was seen running out of the Albers Placement Center this week, hands desperately trying to hide their shame as they sobbed uncontrollably. Many believe this recent streak of emotional meltdowns is a result of the Albers Placement Center adopting a new Game of Thrones-style approach to its service. The change has brought rigidity to the internship process, but some are calling the Center’s methods overly harsh.

Hard Copy reached out to the Albers Placement Center for a comment and received this:

The Albers Placement Center, first of its name, Sovereign Authority on Internship Placements and Resumé Building, hereby declares its supreme power to amass a legion of Business Bros the likes of which this realm hath not witnessed. The Center shall accept only the most hardened applicants. True entrepreneurs shall be rewarded with rank and spoils from our future quests. The Center shall continue to shun undesirable students without remorse. Resistance toward our divine mission shall be met with iron and blood.

— Ronnie Dhoads


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