SEATTLE UNIVERSITY – Hard Copy has made a shocking discovery that has widespread implications for the integrity and future of Seattle University’s administration: No one has seen mascot Rudy The Redhawk and Executive Vice President Timothy Leary in the same room at the same time. Take a moment to let that information sink in.
This is troubling news. What are the possible consequences of having a bird in a high-level administrative position? If Tim Leary is indeed Rudy The Redhawk, is he expected to live a double life or commit to wearing the suit for the rest of his days? Is Rudy even qualified to sit at a desk? One could argue that Leary is saving the university some money during these hard times by performing two jobs. However, everyone knows that being Rudy The Redhawk is one of the most important and demanding jobs for anyone to have at SU. If Leary fails at juggling these two responsibilities, the figurative foundation upon which Seattle University stands may crumble to dust.
The ball is in your court, Tim. Hard Copy and the SU community await your response to this scandal. May god have mercy on your feathers.
— Ronnie Dhoads