Father Steve Caught Looking Under a Rock For The Next Provost


Seattle, WA- A student reportedly saw Father Steve frantically searching around the Quad for something. The student approached Steve Daddy out of curiosity, but got scared away after Sundborg screamed at her, asking if she would join the Provost Search Committee. Reports state that Father Steve was seen turning over multiple rocks in the area, seeing if a new provost could be found there.

Other students have reported hearing screams from President Sundborg’s office of statements such as “WE NEED TO UPDATE THE STUDENTS. THEY NEED TO KNOW” and “WE HAVE TO HOST ANOTHER FORUM”. An official source has leaked the short list of candidates for the position. They include: Sean Kingston, James Comey, and BP’s CEO.

No official statement has been released yet, but sources confirm another Provost update email will soon be released to students.

-Ryan Lewis


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