Poised Sean Spicer Replacement Shows Tremendous Potential, Despite Being a Thimble Monopoly Token

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Washington D.C.- As rumors spread throughout Washington D.C. of President Trump’s dissatisfaction with Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s performance, White House sources are confident in their prospective replacement’s abilities. Although the thimble has very little experience in a press room, signs show it will be more competent in the position.

Spicer’s recent press conferences have been widely criticized for contrasting information released by President Trump. The source states that Trump is “confident that the thimble will be able to more clearly communicate the façade of a functioning White House”. The vetting process asked that the candidates “preferably speak significantly less, or not at all”.

The thimble was unable to comment on the rumors, showing us that yeah, it will be a better White House Press Secretary.  

-Ryan Lewis

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