Poised Sean Spicer Replacement Shows Tremendous Potential, Despite Being a Thimble Monopoly Token

Washington D.C.- As rumors spread throughout Washington D.C. of President Trump’s dissatisfaction with Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s performance, White House sources are confident in their prospective replacement’s abilities. Although the thimble has very little experience in a press room, signs show it will be more competent in the position. Spicer’s recent press conferences have been…

Father Steve Caught Looking Under a Rock For The Next Provost

Seattle, WA- A student reportedly saw Father Steve frantically searching around the Quad for something. The student approached Steve Daddy out of curiosity, but got scared away after Sundborg screamed at her, asking if she would join the Provost Search Committee. Reports state that Father Steve was seen turning over multiple rocks in the area,…