Albers Student to Become Big Business Boy Just Like Daddy

SEATTLE, WA– Timothy Daniels, a junior Business Administration major, has his career figured out. “I’m going to be a big business boy just like daddy. Daddy has nice, shiny cars and we lived in a big, busty house growing up,” noted Daniels. Daniels can often be found wearing a button down, slacks, and premium leather…

Hottest Anti-Government Oregon Militia-men: Ranked

Last week, the FBI raided and arrested the last of the Oregon Militiamen. This group of anti-government conservatives were protesting the takeover of Federal Land which they claim was unconstitutional and unjust. Below is a list of the hottest men in this group, ranked by sheer sex-appeal. Chad Watkins When not posing with his shirt…

Stop the Demonic Music: Ban “Battle of the Bands”

Dear Father Sundborg, As a former student of Seattle University, I implore you to read this letter. In an apparent rejection of the Christian foundation on which it was founded, Seattle University has — again — allowed a Rock and Roll concert onto its holy ground. Worse yet, this year students themselves are allowed to…

Voter’s Rejoice! He Who Walks Behind the Rows has made a Presidential Endorsement!

Every four years, voters across the United States are faced with the question of who should be the next Commander-in-Chief. Often this process takes months, with candidates traveling the nation spreading their message to voters, seeking endorsements from various Unions and Corporations, and influential individuals. In the Midwest however, former governors, senators or organizations all…

Hard Copy Book Review: David Cameron’s 160 Shades of Red

In an exclusive interview with Hard Copy, David Cameron describes his most recent work: 160 Shades of Red. Mr. Cameron is the leader of the Conservative Party which recently won a majority in the Parliament of the United Kingdom, with him as Prime Minister. Question: Mr. Cameron, what was your goal with your most recent…

Rick Santorum Comes Out as Human

In a surprise announcement to a private dinner held in Newport Beach, California, former Presidential Candidate and Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum came out as a human being. Pundits immediately pounced on the news, with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews calling it, “a clear appeal to the influential human voting bloc,” and  The O’Reilly Factor’s Bill O’Reilly describing…