Father Sundborg Accidentally Loses University Endowment in Pyramid Scheme

In a disappointing turn of events, it has been revealed that Father Sundborg has lost Seattle University’s entire endowment fund in a not-so-elaborate pyramid scheme. Seattle University is now down several million dollars, but has recently acquired thousands of GoodMuscle™ protein supplement units. “Listen, if you were offered incredible profits AND toned abs and pecs,…

Albers Student to Become Big Business Boy Just Like Daddy

SEATTLE, WA– Timothy Daniels, a junior Business Administration major, has his career figured out. “I’m going to be a big business boy just like daddy. Daddy has nice, shiny cars and we lived in a big, busty house growing up,” noted Daniels. Daniels can often be found wearing a button down, slacks, and premium leather…

Local Vegan Saves World From Global Warming

SEATTLE, WA – Seattle local Jess Whitman has saved the world from global warming after going vegan, pointing out that she saves 100’s of animals from being killed every year. The local hero remains humble though, stating “Even though I am well aware I have probably saved the world from a mass global extinction and…