Balloon in Stratosphere Not Ready to Die

After floating some 32 miles into the air on Sunday afternoon, panicked local party balloon Red spat rushed prayers to a God that could not hear him: “Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” the helium-and-vertigo filled piece of colored, stretchy plastic said aloud, as his insides continued to carry him upward into space. “It’s not fair, man.…

Ryan Lochte Grounded By Mom for What Happened in Rio

Following the events that transpired in a Rio gas station concerning Ryan Lochte, some of his friends, and a dirty lie about getting mugged, his mother had nothing but stern words to say to him. Hard Copy was there for the interaction: (Ryan’s door slams and locks) Mom (from outside of his room): Ryan, I…

So Vlad Putin Swiped You Right On Tinder. What Next?

It’s happened to everyone of all genders at least once: you’re swiping through Tinder, you look at your matches, and all of a sudden, there he is. Vladimir Putin. President of Russia. You text your best friend Rhonda, and Rhonda tells you to go for it! When else would you get a shot at the…