Local Middle School’s Taco Tuesday Busted by ICE

Bellingham WA – It was an ordinary Tuesday at William Howard Taft Middle School—or so they thought. Fourth period had just ended, and the 7th graders were about to go to lunch. Little Tommy Juiceoboccio had packed himself a peanut butter and ham sandwich, and was excited to begin his break from the regular trials…

Balloon in Stratosphere Not Ready to Die

After floating some 32 miles into the air on Sunday afternoon, panicked local party balloon Red spat rushed prayers to a God that could not hear him: “Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” the helium-and-vertigo filled piece of colored, stretchy plastic said aloud, as his insides continued to carry him upward into space. “It’s not fair, man.…

When I Die, Please Name a Water Fountain After Me

Dear Friends, Family, Fans, and Countrymen, Life is finite. Someday, no matter how powerful or marginalized, rich or poor, influential or chastised we are, we will meet our maker. When that time comes for me, please create a new water foundation and put a plaque on it with my name. I can think of nothing…

Three Burned to Death at Reignite the Mission Rally

In what is being called “a horrible misunderstanding” and “a dark day at Seattle University”, three people were reported to have died during the latest Reignite The Mission rally. Reignite the Mission is a student organization that works to catalyze radical change on Seattle U’s campus. While the organization does have a list of “demands”…