Public Safety Officer Caught Installing Nitrous Turbo on Segway

SEATTLE UNIVERSITY – A public safety officer is facing discipline this week for attempting to install a nitrous turbo booster on his segway. The attempted modification would allow the officer to travel from Xavier Residence Hall to the Student Center in 5 seconds or less. Public Safety supervisor Hubert Pubert commented on the incident, “Listen,…

Kobe Beef is Retiring; Just Produced Last Steak

Steak fans around the world said goodbye to Kobe Beef earlier this week, as its last steak had just been served and eaten. It is said that a Utah Jazz NBA Player ordered and ate all 60 ounces. Kobe Beef is expected to join as an analyst and commentator on Food Network programs.   “Wow,…