Kid Rubs Eyes Bloodshot to Seem More Stoned

Hometown, USA – “I’m so high! Woah man, is this real life?! Does anyone have a box of Cheez-Its? I have such a bad case of the munchies right now! You all know what I’m talking about because you are all also high! Wow, I think I’m hallucinating! Does anyone else see that funny elephant?…

Parents Around Country Worried About New Drug “Lemonade”

Parents across the country have teamed up to fight a dangerous new drug known as “Lemonade.” Phrases like “where can I get Lemonade?” and “Lemonade is so dope” began to be uttered by the youth of America late last week, immediately worrying parents. “My young Julie has really been acting different lately,” said Connecticut mom…

Hard Copy Advice Column 2

Tips for charging my laptop? Chip Otlecoli: Just put it like 40 feet away from you, get your angry eyes on, start sprinting at it, unleash a battle cry, and tackle it once you get close. That’s how you charge a laptop. Donnie Rhoads: The judicial system is your best bet for this one, but…