The Spectator: A Love Letter

Your soft newsprint tickles my hand as I gingerly take you from the pile. I can’t wait to get inside you, I’ve been thinking of it all day. I spread your sweet sweet pages open wide, and devour your every word. You whisper your stories in my ear, telling me of stale news and uninspired…

Breaking: The Spectator’s Underground Child Sweatshop Exposed

SEATTLE, WA — Late Thursday night, Seattle University Public Safety officers discovered a warehouse underneath The Spectator’s office, housing hundreds of kindergartners. After further investigation it was found that the children were being forced to write articles for The Spectator. “It explains a lot. It explains the poor quality of the paper, and it explains…

Mass Class Failing Occurring As Seniors Approach Real Life

SEATTLE, WA – What started last quarter as a seemingly innocent statistical anomaly, has grown into a full blown epidemic. Seattle University recently declared in an official statement that more than 50% of seniors pursuing humanities majors are failing or have failed at least one class that is necessary to graduate. With the responsibilities of…