“Woke” Roommate’s Alarm Clock Still Going Off

Campion Hall, 7 AM on a Friday — Despite being a so called “woke” person, Sandra Miller’s roommate’s alarm clock continued to go off for nearly 45 minutes, sources confirmed. “She always be inviting me to protests and sit-ins and posting all over Facebook, yet she can’t even wake up when her alarm rings,” complained…

Students Take to Streets to Protest Recent Rise in Protests

University students have taken to the streets in anger in a shocking protest against a threat to many a campus across the country — protests. “I’m just sick and tired of it,” said Billy Tidler, the protests organizer. “Everybody just thinks they deserve to speak out on every issue that comes along. It’s like, come…

10 Tips for College Activism

While the clouds depart and the warm spring air dawns on Seattle, not all students are planning on relaxing. Some students are planning on addressing systemic and cultural issues that plague Seattle University, Washington State, and the United States. Below are some tips for how to organize a direct-action event.   Pick an Issue This…

Unexpected Delay for Activists

This is an updated report for our current activists attending today’s protest that all Seattle bike lanes are currently packed as all activists left their houses at the same exact fucking time. Some opted to riding on the sidewalks, but due to the height of curbs and thinness of city bike wheels, many have slammed…

Shell Saving the Earth One Solar-Powered Oil Rig at a Time

Amidst recent protest against Shell oil rigs docking in the Seattle area, Shell has released their newest technology. Solar powered oil rigs will now be used in their arctic drilling operations to quell environmental protests and concerns. “When we made the deal with the Port of Seattle, we were met with a lot of outrage.…