Professor Throws Out Millionth Dried-Up Expo Marker

SEATTLE UNIVERSITY – During a UCOR 3400 humanities seminar, Professor Guy Notreal hit a very impressive milestone: He threw away his millionth dried-up expo marker! Hats off to you, Professor Notreal. During this historic event, student reactions ranged from indifferent to utterly unphased. One witness told Hard Copy that she heard her professor mumble, “You…

Student Finishing Off Weekly Drink Binge is “So Broke”

According to a new study conducted by the Hard Copy Research Solutions Buzzword Center for Data Reporting, thousands of college students who partake in frequent alcohol benders consider themselves to be “so broke.” These students can often be heard saying phrases like “Ugh, Seattle is so expensive!” and “This must be how homeless people feel,”…