Breaking News: Catholic Church is Fucked Up

Arrupe House, Seattle University- After a recent article in the Spectator shining light on Seattle University’s involvement in egregious issues in the Church’s handling of cases on sexual abuse, Hard Copy decided to do a bit more digging. What we found in this search was even worse than we had ever imagined: the Catholic Church…

New UCOR Option: Sign Ripping 101

Pigott Building – During a recent faculty meeting led by Father Steve, the big man himself pitched a fantastic idea: why not have a new UCOR dedicated to learning how to tear signs promoting the liberal agenda? The new Theological Explorations class will cover exciting new topics such as ‘work out regimens for strong arms’,…

Local Nursing Major Just Wants to “Help People”

Garrand Building- Local nursing major Stacey Johnson was asked to introduce herself and to describe what attracted her to her major, when she delivered a revolutionary answer: “It was simple, really. I just, like… really like helping people,” Stacey said. We needed to know more about her controversial thinking. “Like… there are so many sick…

Giant Slug Infestation Rocks Seattle University Quad

Seattle University Quad- As Redhawks flock to the Quad to soak up the sun, this reporter only had one question: where the fuck are these slugs coming from? The warm weather has brought upon us these large slugs hanging from the trees. But what are they? We asked our fellow Redhawks if they knew more…