Balloon in Stratosphere Not Ready to Die

After floating some 32 miles into the air on Sunday afternoon, panicked local party balloon Red spat rushed prayers to a God that could not hear him: “Ohgodohgodohgodohgod. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” the helium-and-vertigo filled piece of colored, stretchy plastic said aloud, as his insides continued to carry him upward into space. “It’s not fair, man.…

Why Students are Actually Taking the SUSS

This week, the Student Government of Seattle University announced that it has released their State of the Undergraduate Student Survey in the hopes that students will actually participate in enhancing their experience for once instead of just complaining about it. In the first few days, students have been responding in outstanding numbers. Given that participation is…

Hell Itself Manifests at Jesuit University

As Spring rolls into Seattle, residents look forward to blooming flowers, an increase in red-breasted robins, ice cream filled afternoons, and long evenings spent wandering down the waterfront. What’s not expected is a visit from Satan himself. However, it seems that the King of Hell has moved into the west side of Seattle University’s Administration…