Student Loans a Privilege for Seattle University Students

SEATTLE, WA—Advertising its expansive range of financially ruinous academic programs and certifications that can’t be tailored to meet anyone’s scheduling, officials at Seattle University announced Monday that the University is committed to providing students with the opportunity to amass a crippling debt at their own individual pace. “Even if you work full-time, have an internship,…

Middle-Aged Anarchist Mellows out to Socialist

Berkeley, CA — Local middle-aged white man and self-described anarchist Josh Ayers has reportedly “lost some of the energy of the revolution” and mellowed to a mere socialist. Ayers, a copy and printing specialist at FedEx told local media that he had the revelation “sometime between his smoke break and lunch”. “Yeah man, like I…